Eggs, 7-Elevens and Other random thoughts

Eggs

Ok so who doesn’t love a nice boiled egg with a lil salt and pepper? Here in Taipei, eggs are given a litle bit more thought and a lot more preparation and often times come out tasting 100x better than you could have ever imagined. Yesterday, I ate an egg that was steamed with pork meat, so it turned a nice light brown and had a wonderful blend of egg and meat flavors all in one bite, like if pigs could only lay eggs, this is what it would taste like. I’ve also been enjoying the century eggs here which I never thought I would. Century eggs are boiled eggs that soak in a dark black brine of tea and other herbs and absorb this kind of musty exoctic flavor. Served with some noodles or tofu, a century egg can add just the perfect boost of flavor to many dishes. However, experimenting with eggs in Taiwan does not stop there. Often at temples and markets you’ll find even more kinds of eggs, from pidgeon and quail eggs to big ol’ duck eggs, all of which are served a number of ways and most of which I like. However, there are a few exceptions here. Number one, there are no normal breakfast sandwiches here that I’ve seen thus far (except mcdonalds) instead weird things are shoved into what looks like a normal ham, egg and cheese, but actually is an egg, indistinguishable meat, weird and excessive mayo, on an overly sweet bun sandwich. Also, this thing below that I took a bite of and blew my mind:

Yea, that’s an egg people. I don’t know how it became this way, but I believe it was done on purpose. And believing this, I opened her right up and took that big bite out of it, just to find out that the yolk inside had somehow become blacker than the outside and turned to an awful oozing goo. I don’t really know how to describe this egg’s taste per se, but I'll just say it was no fried egg over easy. I am told, these eggs marinate in something while buried underground for weeks. I have 8 more of these in my fridge thanks to a very sweet and generous Taiwanese friend. Any ideas on a fun way to dispose of them? Anyone want one mailed to them? If anything the week it’ll spend in the mail will only make it better. Lastly, I don’t believe that Taiwan has the worst ideas on how to eat eggs. I hear that the Philippines rivals any egg creation Taiwan could make. One dish there consists of fertilized duck eggs that are incubated to the point where the embryo becomes a partially formed little baby duck complete with skeleton and beak.

Yummy century eggs on a stick

Open-Chan! the 7-Eleven Mascot

7-Elevens
There are over 4,000 7-Eleven’s here in Taiwan. And it is my belief that 3,995 of them are in Taipei alone. You literally cannot look down a street, cross a road or leave a building without seeing a 7-Eleven within a block. In many ways, as a foreigner it is comforting to see something familiar all the time. If I just need a quick snack or a bottle of water, 7-Eleven is always there for me 7 days a week, 11 somethings a something. However, 7-Eleven here isn’t your typical gas station convenience store. It is the destination you go to, to refill your SIM card, get copies of a lease for you and your landlord, pay your bills for heat, electricity and cable, etc., buy the government mandated blue garbage bags you must use to toss your rubbish (don’t buy the pink ones! It’s a dirty trick) and 7-Elevens also offer 24hr access to hard liquor and beer (apparently this is the downfall of many a alcoholic ex-pat). With such ease and convenience I see no reason for any other store to exist ever. That is until I buy things that look like red bull, but taste like watery tang, and eat things that in retrospect are highly questionable to be buying and eating from a 7-Eleven, i.e. sushi and egg sandwiches. In the end though, they give me stickers with every purchase to put in a little sticker book that once I fill up I get a free hot dog or something, and I like that. So tang or no tang, I’m a loyal customer.

Other Random Thoughts
Smells
The smells here in Taipei are incredible. Not always in a good way but not entirely bad either. First off, there are scents here I have never smelled before and have no idea what they belong to. I often don’t even know if I like or dislike the smell, it’s so different. Then there are the obviously bad smells of exhaust fumes, stinky tofu, mothball old people, public bathrooms (which are better than most in NY) and the raw meat hanging on street vendor carts. Then there’s the good smells of the cooked meat at street vendor carts, the clean scent of the immaculate subway, food food and more food. Oh and no one here has body odor, at least not the locals as far as I can tell.
My kindy class
So I am lucky enough to be teaching 14 little tykes every morning. They are only 2 or 3 years old and they have never been taught English before, so I am their introduction to the Western world. The amazing thing about these little guys, is how well behaved they are for being only two years old. They literally ask “Teacher may I …” for everything. They’ll sit at their mini little table with their hands behind their backs while they stare at the bowl of food before them like starved puppies, yet they won’t take a bite without my permission. They just gaze up at me with such awe and adorableness, that I can’t even be mad that they just peed their pants during story time. Also, they do the funniest things, like drink entire thermoses of water and then completely barf in slow motion across the group of children participating in sharing time on the floor, yet no one cries. They’re so good. Next month I get to teach them an exercise routine to any song I want. I’m thinking it’d be great to see the kids act out the motions to something really gangsta like Biggie or Lil’ wheezy or perhaps some Lady Gaga, poker face. Again, any ideas for songs/exercise moves are appreciated. I’ll take pics and post for everyone!
Taiwanese people in general
Although I’ve always said after living in Sydney for 6 months that Australians are literally the nicest people alive, I think that the Taiwanese are the quiet underdogs from the north that could easily rival the Aussies in overall niceness. I don’t think there are many places in this world, where a group of people are so openly kind, welcoming and friendly. Each and every day someone makes my day a little nicer. It may help that I put myself in situations on a daily basis that cry out for help (wandering aimlessly lost down a street, looking hopelessly confused on a bus, attempting to speak bad broken Chinese to Taiwanese vendors), but without a doubt each day, someone will take me on as the sad lost little puppy that I am and go out of their way to help me out. Two days ago a nice man saw me struggling to ask directions in Chinese to an old man who had no clue what I was saying. Knowing English, he came up to me and pointed me in the right direction. He then waited, watched me walk the wrong way, and then jogged down the street to me and literally walked me to my destination. Even though it was 8:30am and I’m sure he was on his way to work, he made the extra effort to help me for no reason. I don’t think people in NY would ever, ever walk me anywhere unless they were trying to get my number or look at my butt. And then yesterday, while riding the bus, the bus driver called me forward. I immediately assumed I did something wrong, but he actually just wanted to say “Welcome to Taiwan” since he could tell I was not from here (probably because I’m about a foot taller and 3x wider than everyone here). He then told me that he loves the US. It was effing adorable. And lastly, a Taiwanese friend of my sister’s picked me up on Sunday and took me around all day. He drove an HOUR and a HALF to come pick up me, a stranger he's never met before, and took me out to lunch with his family. He taught me how to order some local Taiwanese fare and then he took me a temple, explaining all the different gods that are worshiped there. As if that was not enough, he snuck out of the temple at some point to buy me bags of food to take home with me. Looking at his wife, and then looking at me, I know that he didn't do this because he thought I needed more food, he just was being an excessively nice normal Taiwanese person.

Will and his ridiculously cute family

Will the tallest Taiwanese person ever

Up next, Pigs blood cake and endless sushi!

A funk like no other

Just a thirty minute train ride outside of the city will take you to a quaint and magical place, the Coney Island of Taipei if you will, Danshui. This board walk (minus the boards) along the riverbed north of Taipei is a carnival lovin fat kid’s heaven, choc full of deep fried everything and Asian carnies. Not to mention a million fair style games to play where you can literally pick out a baby turtle from a tank full of hundreds and take him home as a prize. Although the deep fried squid, fish balls and other random pieces of meat were amazing and the plate of 8 dumplings for 30NT ($1) were delish, one dish truly stole the show here and that was the one dish you can’t avoid in Taiwan, Stinky Tofu.

If you’ve never heard of stinky tofu, then you probably have no idea just how pungent and odorous this innocent bean curd can be. Stinky is not quite a strong enough adjective in my opinion to describe this dish. Walking around Taipei you will often get strong wafts of the sewer and rotten cheese at night. You may wonder to yourself, why does Taipei stink so much more around dinner time? Well this is because the cheesy rotten sewer leakage you are smelling is actually stinky tofu and people are selling it everywhere due to its overwhelming popularity for some ungodly reason. Having known this and smelled this horrific scent for over a week now, I had to take this opportunity in Danshui to finally see what all this fuss was about. I have heard that the locals say this dish, stinks like feet, but tastes like a dream, so I was curious and when an even mightier eating champion, Stephanie, bought a big stick of the pungent curd, I had to have a bite. After struggling to get close enough to it due to its funk, I finally took a huge bite and let the flavor sink in on my tongue before forcing myself to swallow what smelled and tasted like the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. Upon swallowing, the first words out of my mouth were “oh my god,this tastes like someone’s taint” (for you PG 13ers out there that means basically it tasted like butthole). It was then followed by, “omg I need to eat something else immediately, I can feel the smell lingering in my mouth” or as Stephanie so aptly put it “I think my mouth smells like poop” (she said this after she ate the WHOLE thing!!). Mind you, I have absolutely no idea what someone’s butt tastes like, but if I did, I’m sure it would taste somewhere along the lines of what this tofu tasted like. I suppose another way to describe how it tastes if you haven’t gotten a clear picture yet, is it tastes like the crud you pull out from under your toenails after running a marathon in dirty socks. Taiwanese people love their stinky tofu though. To each their own I suppose. I may, just may, give it a second try somewhere down the line. I think all food deserves at least 2 tries before being given up on completely, even if it does taste like rotten cheese someone pooped on.

My arch nemesis, stinky tofu (looks good though doesn’t it?)

Yummy dumplings! and to the left, is Stephanie the stinky tofu eating champion

Cool potato chips on a stick, cuz, why not right?

The beautiful Danshui

That was weird

So above is the kind of food you can get if you can figure out how to walk 2 blocks down the street and read a Chinese sign. For those of you who can't read Chinese, you'll have to walk 10 blocks, ask 3 people for more directions, turn around and walk back those ten blocks plus another 5 while Asian people gawk unrelentingly at the preposterous group of 15 white people you belong to. You'll then have to get in a cab and go back down the first ten blocks you walked to finally get out and remain lost for at least another 10 to 15 minutes before realizing its the restaurant you walked by 3 times in the last 40 minutes. This is Chop Shop and the spread above is a sampling of basically everything you can imagine. Apparently its so good its where the Taiwanese gangsters hang out on Saturday nights. Next Saturday, if I can find this magical place I will try to make some friends with connections.

Afer all was said and done our efforts to find this place were not left unrewarded. The TsingTao beer was a flowin' and the bathroom had a pretty sink that lit up with marbles in the bottom. It also had a bidet that I turned on by accident (they all told me it was broken, the big liars!) that had quite some pressure, let me tell you. Oh, yes and our meal was AMAZING!

Look at this amazing little carrot fishy!! It was so pretty and we definitely ate it.














These are a few of the dishes we had floating around our lazy susan: shrimp, tofu and vegetables with an unidentified gelatinous substance, steamed fish, spicy garlic shrimp, sauteed cabbage, some other spicy pork thing and the most heavenly slices of pork with a smoky honey hoisen sauce. Mmmmmmm

And of course, nothing goes better with a great meal like this than an educational conversation on key phrases learned from the Sex and Relationships chapter in Julie's Lonely Planet Mandarin guide book. Key phrases listed include:
"You're just using me for sex"
"Don't worry, I'll just do it myself"
"That was weird"
"I don't ever want to talk to you again"
"You bastard"
"I want to be with you forever"
In addition to these phrases we added a few of our own:
Tai dao le! -"that's huge!"
Tai xaio le! - "that's so small!"

As if that all weren't enough for one night, we headed out to a local Taiwanese brewery, aptly named Taiwan Beer (no need for creativity when you are dirt cheap!) After walking through a dark and desolate warehouse/production area, a kind warm light and the faint smell of beer guided us into a giant open area with picnic tables and drunken, obnoxious white people slowly but surely, propagating the western stereotype that we're all loud alcoholic a-holes. And for some lucky people a rare find awaits; amidst that crowd of drunken expats lies an even more mystifying stereotype, the creepy old, sexual predator man aka "I own an English school". I luckily avoided the old balls man (ew loose skin) and just played never have I ever with all my new friends for 2 hours while drinking tiny lil cups of beer from a massive keg that cost next to nothing. See below:

This is how much of the beer I could have bought, it was so cheap

All of my fellow teachers enjoying themselves
My mini keg of endless booze that I split with 4 other people and paid $4 for.


More to come soon!!! I've been eating like a mad woman and have the pics and probably a few pounds to prove it.

Poo-poo VIP, Welcome to Taiwan

Welcome to my very unprofessional foodie blog on everything to eat in Taiwan! This is my very first post, so let me just start with my first opinions of food in Taiwan: It's AWESOME!!!! If you are a fat kid like me, who appreciates everything from a silky smooth pâté to a tub of tator tots then Taiwan is the place for you. And by that, I do not mean that you will be able to find either of the two items listed above, but you will be able to find a very wide assortment of everything in between, including animals and animal parts you didn't know you could eat, fruit you never heard of before and combinations of things you never thought possible (please see Exhibit B, cheesepuff balls with chocolate icecream and raisins).

Below is the first meal I was really awake for in Taipei, seafood and vegetable noodle soup with a side of roast pork. Not only was the food delicious, but the bowl was literally the size of a large bucket. I paid a whopping $4.50 US dollars for it too which is expensive for this city. Although the imitation crab meat designed to look like a flower was quite touching and the spongey fishballs were a texturally fun (bouncy ball?) surprise, the real highlight of this meal, was the communal bowl of hot sauce that I spooned all over my pork. It was soooo good. I was enjoying it so much that I choked a little and started hacking up a lung and had tears streaming all down my face and everyone in the Taipei 101 cafeteria just stopped and stared at me, because it wasn't odd enough that this weird foreigner was sitting alone, taking photos of her food and using chopsticks like 3 yr old, she had to be all red in the face and crying too. Also, by the end of this meal I had hot sauce all over my tank top. Thank god for tide sticks!


Since breakfast at my hotel has consisted of soggy scrambled eggs and chicken nuggets, I'll skip ahead. My next delicious meal came from a little old lady in an alley who fried me up some tripe, tofu and seaweed, paired it all with a century egg and finally topped it with a touch of scallions. This and a giant bowl of traditional Taiwanese beef noodles was again, way more than I could ever imagine eating, but I tried my hardest. I don't have much to say about the tripe, other than I'm thankful that I didn't get food poisoning on my first street cart expedition. PS people, don't ever put your chopsticks standing up in your bowl of noodles! Its a big cultural no no. I of course choose to learn the hard way. Why be polite when you can offend people unknowlingly left and right?


Speaking of offensive, for those of you with a weak stomach and those who don't appreciate potty humor, stop reading right here. Trust me you won't appreciate what's next.

So the last of my recent meals that I'd like to share, but by far one of my oddest yet, is my meal at Modern Toilet. I'll give a quick set up, but a picture says a thousand words. Basically, I ate dinner that was served out of a toilet and it was delicious. Dessert followed in a urinal and all the while I was sitting on a toilet and wiping my hands on toilet paper. Asian people love weird crap like this, literally. There was crap related paraphernalia everywhere. There literally was a giant 'cuddly' turd stuffed animal in the front window of the restaurant. How could you not want to go in there for a nice seafood dinner? Anyway, pics are below. My fav is the the sheet you get that has two people dressed in panda suits, holding silverware, flying an airplane through the pink sky and white fluffy clouds, ready to eat, Poo poo VIP style. Our dinner discussion went as follows: Who is a poo poo VIP and how do you qualify to become one? Do I have to wear a panda suit? Do I have to fly a plane in a panda suit? Who was behind this marketing/design concept and how did they come up with it? Were they all sitting at a meeting one day, discussing what they think ties in nicely with poop and all conclude people in panda suits makes the most sense?

I don't know. I don't have any clue how any of this amazingness came together, but it did. And the food was pretty good, except for the dessert that was icecream on top of ice shavings, with chocolate bits, a wafer cookie, marshmallows, raisins and then cheese puffs. Again, I just don't know. I don't ask questions, I just eat.
Exhibit A
Getting the hang of things...
Ummm yea...

Dinner is served

Could not be happier about my dinner in the can

Steaming bowl of coconut curry chicken

Exhibit B

The aftermath